This is hard.

 I miss Griffin. I hate what my mom and all of the family is going through.  I miss my dad.  I miss Chris. I wish I could make it all go away.

The one thing that gives me hope is knowing my Savior knows exactly what I am feeling...

Joshua Griffin Gaughan

I thought it easier to post Griffin's eulogy, that we wrote as a family, than trying to come up with my own words. I have to say that our family has experienced a lot of loss and without the gospel of Jesus Christ I don't know how I would be able to get through the loss of my father and brothers. I miss Griffin very much but, am comforted to know he is with my dad and brother, Chris.

Joshua Griffin Gaughan was born December 29, 1993 in Overland Park, Kansas, to Pete and Dona Gaughan. He was the 7^th of 8 children. Griffin was a hefty 9 pound baby, surprisingly chubby. The older he got the thinner he became not to mention taller and taller at 6’ 3”. There was speculation among friends and family that he was such a lightweight due to his eating habits. Those of you who knew him, knew that he only ate a few things such as ramen, totinos, and pb and j. Family members can remember him saying that it was annoying and inconvenient to eat.

When he was 3, mom gave him a small bin of legos and he sat and played with them while she painted the entire family room from floor to ceiling. What we might think of playing with legos was not his idea of playing with legos. He could create elaborate structures. As he got older he shifted his attention to building more complex contraptions that would actually shoot projectiles. He even turned Derek and Chris’s old bedroom into a lego and knex world, complete with a duct tape grid covering the entire floor. When Griffin was around 4 or 5 he really showed how much of a neat nick he was. Mom would fix him a bowl of cereal and he would get a washcloth and sit it next to his bow to clean up any drips.

When he was in elementary school he came home 1 day and asked if he could play an instrument. He chose to play the viola; and he was amazing at it. He was so talented that he attained 1^st chair in orchestra and never gave it up. He also participated in the Olathe Youth Symphony and competed in various competitions, including making it all the way to state.

At church Griffin was in a young men’s presidency and some of his tasks included taking attendance as well as keeping track of which boys remembered to bring their scriptures. Griffin really enjoyed being in this position because he got to give demerits when they forgot their scriptures or when they were talking during class.

Back in 2006, our older brother, Chris introduced him to snowboarding. He loved to snowboard. Derek, Chris, and Griffin went to Colorado where he skillfully maneuvered the slopes and Derek skillfully maneuvered going down the slopes on his backside. Griffin had a natural apptitude for anything involving computers, he once said he understood the rules of computer language better than he understood the English language. We remember him building a custom computer, he used plexiglass from a broken plow and other plastic products to build a case for it. After junior high school he attended Olathe North West High School and was accepted into the aerospace and engineering program. He was in Honors Math, Taking College Algebra and preCalc. He was also accepted onto the high school robotics team. He really enjoyed helping program the robots.

Griffin attained the rank of Eagle Scout. There may have been a little help from mom. He spent many hours working on merit badges and his eagle project, which was an identification clinic for children of our community.

In the last few years he got involved in playing paintball with some of the family. He liked to modify, take apart and add upgrades to his paintball guns and other gear. I guess paintball was to messy for a neat nick like Griffin and so he moved on to playing airsoft; which is like a bb gun with plastic bb’s. He found a group in Lawson, Missouri who he became very involved with. He had to tryout for their team and of course made it. As in any sport things get broken and of course Griffin likes to fix things. He offered to fix his teammates airsoft guns and after the first few fixes they realized what an asset to their team he was not just as a player but as a technician. His creativity, skill and reputation with the team led to the start of a thriving business.

Griffin recently purchased a motorcycle and Derek was teaching him how to ride and as always Griff was a natural.

Griffin was an incredible individual. He was compassionate, kindhearted, creative, had a brilliant mind and was a good friend. Joshua Griffin Gaughan passed away on April 9, 2012 at the age of 18. He leaves behind his mother Dona, 6 siblings: Aaron, Brandi, Derek, Elyse, Faith, And Hope, 18 nieces and nephews. We will all miss him very much. He joins our Father, Pete and our brother, Chris who I know will look out for him until we are reunited as a family.

Easter Sunday

What a wonderful Easter day! We worshipped at church and then came home and enjoyed good food and company with family.

Here are some of the cousins. Austin was out doing the sacrament for the home bound and Tyler was taking a nap so they aren't in the pic. but my sisters 3 kiddos are. I did end up finding some time this week to make my girls dresses. They aren't typical Easter dresses since all I had on hand was grey and white stripe fabric but, you can't beat free. I added pink flowers on a detachable pin so they looked somewhat springy!! :) Happy Easter!

All done and starting to heal!

The surgery went well I am gallbladder free now! I feel pretty good. It is definitely going to be hard not being able to lift Tyler but, I am so relieved to know I am not going to wake up in excruciating pain. Now to have a relaxing weekend enjoying General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It was really the perfect weekend to have the procedure done considering I won't miss any church. I just want to thank everyone who prayed for me I know it helped! I wonder if I will feel good enough to make the girls Easter dresses if not I guess they can wear their dresses from last year.

When you get thrown a curve ball...

So, I had planned on being a better blogger but, I was thrown a curve ball. Back in January I was woke up in the middle of the night with severe right sided pain. It was bad. I am tough. I have had 7 babies without drugs, when I say it hurt it really hurt. I was awake for several hours before the pain subsided. This happened several nights throughout the next couple weeks. I couldn't take it anymore so I went in to the doctors and they said I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I was thinking really that seems to easy but hey if that will fix me that would be great. I did what the doctor said which was drink Miralax and it seemed to help for a couple weeks. Then I had another attack in the middle of the night. Went to the doctors again where they informed me same thing IBS. At this point I am a little frustrated because I don't want to wake up in pain again but being the good girl that I am I do what the doctor says. So this last Sunday I woke up in a LOT of pain. I started throwing up because I was in so much pain. I considered having Russell bring me to the hospital but instead had him give me a blessing. It got me through it and I the pain subsided after a couple hours. I called my doctor later that day and they put me on an all liquid diet...hello, I am breastfeeding a 7 month old baby who doesn't eat food or take a bottle! So, I did what they asked and Monday afternoon the pain was starting to come back. I decided to go into the doctors office because I was terrified of waking up in pain again. The Physicians Assistant said I needed to get an ultrasound of my gallbladder (funny side note my mom had been saying this all along I even mentioned it to my dr. but no one listened). I had my ultrasound Tuesday and got the results Wednesday, oh and lets not forget I am on an all clear liquids diet. I am seriously starving at this point. They say I have sludge and gallstones. Sludge. Nasty! They scheduled an appointment with the surgeon. I went in to see him yesterday and I am scheduled to get my gallbladder out today at 2:30. I am nervous but happy to know I won't have to wake up with another attack. They told me Wed. that I could eat but, I haven't because I was terrified of having another attack so crackers and clear liquids is all I have had up to this point and some applesauce. It's amazing how filling a little applesauce is after not eating. Hopefully everything will go well today. Everyone I have talked to has told me it has been a great experience for them.

I am done rambling please feel free to send some extra prayers my way for an uneventful surgery and a quick recovery.

Just thinking...

Do you ever have those days when you realize life is whizzing by you...it seems the days are just melding together. Kids fighting, crying, house messy, cluttered and just bleh!!!

Well, we got home from our family hike and Peter was flipping out, I mean really flipping out. So I deposited him on the floor in the hallway to let him cry/scream it out on his own and I went to the piano to drown him out and help me keep calm. I played one of my favorites How Great Thou Art and then I flipped open my hymn book and just played where it opened to which was Count Your Many Blessings. This song spoke to my soul today.

When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,

When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings; name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

[Chorus]
Count your blessings;
Name them one by one.
Count your blessings;
See what God hath done.
Count your blessings;
Name them one by one.
Count your many blessings;
See what God hath done.

2. Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings; ev’ry doubt will fly,
And you will be singing as the days go by.

3. When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you his wealth untold.
Count your many blessings; money cannot buy
Your reward in heaven nor your home on high.

4. So amid the conflict, whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged; God is over all.
Count your many blessings; angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

The message in this song today for me was loud and clear. I am grateful that I opened my hymn book to this song today because it gave me perspective! NO matter what I do the Lord will always be there for me, He will always be patiently waiting for me to humble myself and come to him.

Goals!!!

I am still alive!!!! Just been super busy with a hubby who was out of town for almost 4 weeks since the first of the year and dealing with sick kiddos...and a sick mama! All is well now and I have decided to set some goals for myself this year. Yeah, I know it's already March. Most people do goal setting at the beginning of the year, so I am a little slow this year. So here they are...

1. I would like to be more consistent with my homeschooling days with my little ones. That means setting goals for the kids and sticking to a schedule (I don't like schedules).

2. We would like to move somewhere in the nearish (next year or two) future to a property with acreage. So, I would like to DECLUTTER and then organize EVERY room in the house and make all the improvements or updates they need to sell. (that one is kind of a lofty goal)

3. I want to make sure I play with my kids everyday or at least do something physical with them.

4. Read to my kids.

5. Pay more attention to my hubby...not just talk at him about the messy house or something about the kids.

6. My most important goal for me (and go ahead you can think I am vain) but, I need to lose weight. I am tired of feeling down about the way I look. I know my husband loves me just the way I am but the issue here is not about what other people around me see it is about what I see and I don't like it. I have been really good about my exercise since having Tyler in August. My improvements need to come in the area of eating. I don't tend to eat a lot of junk food or anything but I do like sweets and I am going to cut them out for awhile. I have always had an issue losing weight as an adult so hopefully I am not setting myself up for failure. I am open to suggestions...just be kind to me because this has been a big struggle for me and I really don't need anymore hits to my self esteem! :)

7. Last but not least I would like to post at least 3 blog posts per month and would like one of them to be a crafty tutorial to share with everyone or a recipe.

So there you have, I put it out there for all to read. Now maybe I will be more accountable! I am off to bed...zzzzzz